The jokes
What is the best la?
A koa-la!
What is the difference between a detective company and a man with eyes on his butt?
One has a private eye, and the other has eyed privates.
I saw a man trying to rape a dog. I decided to help. The dog can't stand a chance against the both of us.
Where did little Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
The 3 life rules:
1.
2.
3.
Oh, there are no rules, because you have no life.
What is a cow’s favorite newspaper?
The Daily Moos.
Why are cows such great dancers?
They have all the best moooves!
Adin, you should consider eating pencil lead, you fat cat lover, only if you're the new Adin from FF though xoxo da babby.
What’s the best part about having sex with 28 year olds?
There are 20 of them.
So, as a school shooter, I try to remember my ABC's. A, B, C, D, E, F, GUN!
And I basically stop at G, since no students ever speak to me about the rest.
I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.
Little Jonny Bad Ass was sitting on a porch one day, and a preacher was in the house. Little Jonny Bad Ass had to use the bathroom, so he bangs on the door saying, "Mom, I have to use the bathroom!" His mom says wait. So Little Jonny Bad Ass saw a hat on the step. He looks around, pulls his pants down, and shits in the hat.
A few later, the preacher comes out and says, "I see you have my hat!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Yeah, I caught the world's fastest bird!" The preacher says, "Well, let me see him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "No, I don't know." Well, the preacher says, "I'll put my hands by the hat, you lift, and I'll catch him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass lifted the hat and the preacher clapped his hands, and Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Now see the bird don't shit," and ran.
Q: What’s the difference between orphans and apples?
A: Apples get picked.
What happened when your parents dropped you off at the orphanage? They got sued for littering.
Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?
A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.
What is Hitler's favorite book? "Hitler and the chamber of secrets."
Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.
Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.
Judge: But why?
Accused: Because I’m an orphan.
What did Hitler feel about all the jokes about him? Führereous.
Bully: How’s your girlfriend?
Kid: I don’t have one. How are your parents?
Bully: *cries*
Kid: *Walks out of the orphanage*
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked.