The jokes
What's the difference between Jesus and Christmas tree lights?
They can both flash.
Luisa: The ship doesn't swerve, as it heard how big the iceberg is.
Captain of the Titanic: Wait, what did you say?
3 minutes later:
Why didn't I listen to the strong one?
A little girl was sitting with some other kids. She thought to herself, "I want to have kids when I'm older, at least they’ll have a home, parents, and hopefully a dad that actually came back with the milk!" 🤣😂
My mom told me to clean the sink, but I couldn’t find you.
I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: "Why didn't you drug her again so she would forget?"
Why’s it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You gotta drop the bomb twice.
I went to the “lists of women” page on Wikipedia and it was blank.
Either, Wikipedia is proving women do not exist or John Cena decided to come out as transgender.
Yo mama so ugly, she the real reason all the dodos died.
When the bully says, "You're adopted," so you hit him with, "At least someone wanted me!"
A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.
So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."
What do you call two monkeys who share the same Amazon account? Prime mates.
How did the Apple and the emo fall off the tree at the same time?
Because Paul Walker crashed into it.
Yesterday I was in a wind storm.
Today my ears hurt. I guess the wind was ear-itating.
what did the suicidal kid say to the tree?
don't leave me hanging.
Do you know what the "f" in "orphan" stands for? Family. Oh wait, there is no "f."
Why do orphans ride the bus? Because they have no parents to drop them off.
What is the difference between 9/11 and rickrolling?
The Twin Towers gave up and let down.
What's an orphan's favorite game?
"Who's your daddy?"
(Go look up the game)
What's an emo's favorite game?
Limbo.
(If you don't understand the joke, go look up what Limbo is.)
What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?
Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.