The jokes
The parentless child stood as her orphanage was blown up by a kamikaze I had rented.
An apple and an emo are at the top of a tree, they both fall at the same time.
Who hit the ground first?
The apple won because the emo had forgotten to connect the internet.
How do you make an emo mad at you?
Cut the rope.
What's the difference between a retard and a normal person?
A normal person is not named Josh Wakling.
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
A: Throw in some laundry.
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."
The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"
The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."
So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.
"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."
The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"
The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
Four gay guys are sitting in a Jacuzzi when all of a sudden, a condom starts floating. One of the gay guys turns around and asks, "Okay, who farted?"
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”
I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door, and it’s working fine!
Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa? Cause they make the toys.
Why can the orphan only buy 1 ice cream cone?
He can't afford a family pack.
Why did the doctor turn down the orphan?
He was a family physician.
I hope you get raped by a chimp in the forest
Why can Asian people buy phones?
'Cause they might call the wrong number.
Why can't the orphan eat Doritos?
They were all family sized!
Why can't the orphan eat Doritos?
They were all family sized.
Violence is never the answer:
It's the solution.
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
My dad didn't beat the cancer.
Why can’t orphans use a phone? Because they can't find the home button.
I caught the flowers at a wedding--now married to a hot guy. But then I caught an STD at a funeral, I kinda nervo.........
What do genders and the Twin Towers have in common?
There used to be two, but now it's a touchy subject.