The jokes

Why is sex like math?

You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.

What does one boob say to the other boob?

If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.

What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?

Thanks for coming!

Roses are red and violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the third one's for you.

What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

The picture gets hung with one nail, not two.

What do genders and the Twin Towers have in common?

There used to be two, now it’s a sensitive subject.

When you're watching "Gnomeo and Juliet 2" and your dad walks in on the gnome shaking his butt.

Yo mama so fat, when she fell I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

A penguin and a polar bear are sitting in a bathtub. The penguin asks the polar bear, "Hey, can you pass the soap?" The polar bear obliges.

A few moments later, the penguin asks, "Hey, can you pass the scrubber?" The polar bear does. Shortly after that, the penguin says, "Hey, can you pass the rubber ducky?"

The polar bear, beginning to become upset, turns to the penguin and says, "What do you think I am? A radio?!"

Why did the golfer change his pants?

Because he got a hole in one!

Did you hear the joke about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

Why did the blind man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well.

Why can't you run with a pencil in the hallway? Because too many people got killed!

What's the difference between school and Hell?

There is no difference.

What is the biggest lie ever?

"I have read and agreed to the terms and conditions."

I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.

Your mum is so fat, when I was driving I had to swerve to avoid [her]. By the time I had finished, I had ran out of gas.

"Apple bottom cringe boots with the kek (with the kek) got the whole club looking at Shrek."

Q: What is the favorite song of the people who window dived out of the Twin Towers?

A: "Free Fallin'"

Imagine working at the World Trade Center, only for Osama bin Laden to call and ask if he could crash at your place.