The jokes
I'm always hanging in there.
Hanging on the wall.
Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"
Kid: "A leopard."
Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."
Kid: "Broooooooooooo."
What is the difference between an iPhone and an orphan?
An iPhone has a button to go home.
Why did my dad cross the road?
To get to the nearest building so he wouldn't die in the crippling smoke of the most terrifying and only terrorist attack on American soil.
Who are the world's fastest readers?
The 9/11 suicide jumpers, they went through 110 stories in 5 seconds. Sorry.
Grandma: You guy's generation is on too much technology.
Kid: Well, you're the ones that raised us.
Other family members: ...
We don't joke about orphans unless they have family. Then we assassinate the family.
What's the difference between 911 and the stock market in the 1930's?
Nothing, they both crashed.
What is the difference between a guy with cancer and the Twin Towers?
Nothing, they both fell.
Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!
Remember, the confession booth is not a glory hole.
What's the difference between a Baptist and a rapist? The priests.
How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.
I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.
What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?
I can't jump off a burrito.
A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"
The bartender replied: "A shotgun."
What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide?
When exactly my cult members drink the Kool-Aid.
What's the depressed person's favorite song?
Van Halen - Jump
The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.
How do you know the hooker killed herself?
She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.