The jokes
Your forehead is so big, it takes the sun a year to shine on every part of it.
Your forehead is so big that it could carry the passengers of the Titanic.
What falls first, the emo or the leaf? The leaf. The emo was hanging.
Why do cheetahs always win the race? Because he cheats, duh!
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna!"
Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun,
But stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite thing to eat from? The children's menu.
Your hairline's so far back that Dora the Explorer couldn't find it.
Who said white people can't jump?
Look at the footage from 9/11.
What's the difference between an emo kid and an apple?
One hits the ground when they fall from the tree.
It's really funny, read through everything slowly.
Say "I'm a man" after everything I say.
I went to the bar. "I'm a man." You saw this woman. "I'm a man." You guys married. "I'm a man." You guys bought a house. "I'm a man." You guys went to bed. "I'm a man," you said. "I'm a man," she said. "I'm a man."
What’s the difference between an orphan and Pikachu?
Pikachu, I choose you!
What is the sexiest animal alive? The Βυττerfly.
I got sent to the principal's office today because I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and screamed, "HOT WHEELS!"
What's green and has a thousand nipples?
A garbage bag in the alley behind a breast cancer clinic.
The Christian, the Buddhist, and the Muslim each go on a separate plane.
The Christian's and the Buddhist's flight goes well, but the Muslim's plane has a problem and crashes into two towers.
So, a few hours ago my friend said I need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes... like... it's really not that deep?
This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.
So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."
Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."
Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"
Three guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet, and the psycho one says, "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have!"
The first guy says, "Ha! My girlfriend has six! I'm racked up!" The second guy said, "Eh, I am happy with two balls." The third guy said, "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"
A guy listening in enters and says, "Bro, you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?"
What is gayer than man sex ring?
Not slapping the ass at Hooters.