The jokes
What's the difference between Wacko Jacko and Elvis Presley?
14 number 1 hits.
Why are people surprised by Johnny Depp having $30,000 wine bills, domestic violence accusations, rampant substance abuse, poor hygiene, and the looks of a predator?
He grew up a Florida Man, after all.
Ariana Grande agrees with me on something: women belong in the kitchen and bedroom.
Women should have the right to choose whether they want to do cooking or cleaning first.
Why was the baby Dinosaur an orphan?
His family was blown up by meteors.
Why did the orphan commit a crime?
Because they wanted to be wanted!
What is the difference between an orphan and a mailman?
The mailman goes home at the end of the day.
What’s the best cure for not wanting to go to work?
Suicide.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal?
Their dad didn't come back with the milk.
Why did the child die? To see God, our father.
Why do orphans never wake up in the morning? Their dad can’t wake them up.
The walking dead.
A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.
The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.
The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."
I walked past an orphanage, the orphans started to call me names, and I said, "At least I have a family!"
If anyone's joke here says "burn in hell," I will mimic your account for the rest of your life.
Why is vegetable soup hard to cook? Because you can't fit the wheelchair in!
I got sent to the principal's office for giving an orphan kid a family-size pack.
Sorry to take your time today for a few minutes. We are cool, but not the best.
What did the farmer say to the pig? "You snout to believe it!"
What's the difference between MJ and myself?
Nothing at all.