The jokes

It's really funny, read through everything slowly.

Say "I'm a man" after everything I say.

I went to the bar. "I'm a man." You saw this woman. "I'm a man." You guys married. "I'm a man." You guys bought a house. "I'm a man." You guys went to bed. "I'm a man," you said. "I'm a man," she said. "I'm a man."

What’s the difference between an orphan and Pikachu?

Pikachu, I choose you!

What is the sexiest animal alive? The Βυττerfly.

I got sent to the principal's office today because I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and screamed, "HOT WHEELS!"

What's green and has a thousand nipples?

A garbage bag in the alley behind a breast cancer clinic.

The Christian, the Buddhist, and the Muslim each go on a separate plane.

The Christian's and the Buddhist's flight goes well, but the Muslim's plane has a problem and crashes into two towers.

So, a few hours ago my friend said I need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes... like... it's really not that deep?

This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.

So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."

Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."

Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"

Three guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet, and the psycho one says, "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have!"

The first guy says, "Ha! My girlfriend has six! I'm racked up!" The second guy said, "Eh, I am happy with two balls." The third guy said, "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"

A guy listening in enters and says, "Bro, you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?"

What is gayer than man sex ring?

Not slapping the ass at Hooters.

Why do eight-year-old girls wear panties with flowers on?

In loving memory of all the faces that were buried in there.

What did the poo say when it fell out of your bum?

"Your anus looks like my mum's bedsheet which is smelly and covered in poo."

I also just wanted to add that a Goonie's anus looks like my nan's mouth.

Why do orphans hate cereal?

Because their dad never came back with the milk.

What do you call the musical kid who is very aware of his surroundings?

C sharp minor.

I ate the Emo Emo no Mi from One Piece. It gave me the powers of black hair, depression, and suicidal thoughts.

What is the difference between apples and orphans?........... The apple gets picked.

Why were the Twin Towers upset? Because they ordered pepperoni and cheese pizza, but instead got plain!

What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?

The NBA because all the black guys are playing.

What did the female rapist say at her hearing?

"Well that boy's dick was inside me and you know what you metoo people say, 'my body my choice.'"

I said something in your ear, and then it echoed because of the size of your forehead because your brain [is] small.