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The jokes

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.

"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" "At the butcher shop!"

What do you call security guards working outside of Samsung shops?

Guardians of the Galaxy. 🌌

So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."

Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."

So I’m riding in the car with my dad and all of a sudden I smell something rank without warning.

My dad starts laughing at me.

Dad: “Son! That must have been an orphan fart! You know why?”

Me: “Why dad?”

Dad: “Because it ain’t got no pop!”

What did the British soldiers say while in the trenches? "Damn, it's windy out here!"

Why should you always knock on the fridge door before opening it? In case there's a salad dressing.

What is the difference between white people and Africans? The white people watch "The Hunger Games," the Africans live it.

What's the difference between white people and Africans?.... The white people get water.

Windows could not connect to the Internet, would you like to search online for a solution to this problem?

What do a crippled person's legs and the Twin Towers have in common? They both went down and never came back up.