The jokes
She got on the scale, said "to be continued."
Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.
Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.
Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.
Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?
Bully: How would you know that?
Me: Because she told me herself.
Bully: How exactly?
Me: She's on the phone right now.
Phone: *High pitched animal noises*
Me: Told you so!
Your hairline is so far back, it makes the Giant from Clash of Clans jealous!
What is the worst thing that Nazis have done?
Adolf Hit-her.
What's the difference between apples and orphans? Apples get picked.
Why did the frog take the bus to work today?
His car got toad away.
Therapists are rapists in disguise, because "the rapist".
Why don’t spiders go back to school?
Because they learn everything on the web.
Why did the sick juice tree go to the hospital? Because it needed lemin-ade (not the cool type of sick, the one where you are in the hospital). Lemin-ade 1st ade.
I got fired from the M&M Factory because I sorted out the W's.
"Hey, man, do you have any Ben and Jerry's?"
"Yeah, I have two of them, fresh and preserved in the freezer."
"I meant the ice cream, bro..."
What’s the difference between a hooker and a cat?
I haven’t banged a hooker.
Most of the people here: That's not funny, lots of people died.
Bruh, why are you in here if you can't take a joke?
Mother, father, and a son. Father purchased a robot that can detect lies. The robot slaps when you lie.
During dinner time: Father: Son, what have you done today? Son: I watched Netflix, Dad. Robot: Stood up and slapped the son! Son: Okay! Okay! I watched porn, Dad. Dad: What? You watched porn? You are only 14! I never knew porn till I was 18 years of age. Robot: Stood up and slapped the Dad! Mother: Started to laugh and said "Sure he is your son!" Robot: Stood up and slapped the mother!
Hehe
Your hairline is so back when the police saw it, they had to arrest you.
Literally the most popular job: YouTube.
Why do orphans use water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
Why was the orphan so successful?
They told him, "Go big or go home," he only had one option.
Why are planes the fastest readers? Because they went through 100 stories in 20 seconds.
I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)