The jokes
Yo hairline so bent even Bob the Builder can’t fix it!
Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it!
The population in Ireland's capital started rapidly growing. In fact, it's Dublin!
Why are there so many black men in the NBA that only want to play basketball on a all black basketball team? because they prefer to suck a long and thick big black dick
Why is there only a glory hole in the handicapped stall in some public men's restrooms?
Because a gay man that is not physically handicapped can't receive a blow job from a gay man that is physically handicapped under the handicapped stall.
The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!
Three men die at the same time and go to Heaven. St. Peter says to them, "It's going to be a long journey to heaven, so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives."
"We'll start with you, Michael. Since you were quite the womanizer and cheated on your wife multiple times, you will be getting a Toyota." The man, embarrassed, left in the Toyota.
"Nolan, you were better; you cheated on your wife twice, so I will give you a Mercedes. Now, as for you, Mark, you never cheated on your wife; you are an absolute saint, so I will be giving you a Lamborghini."
The man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car, and he asked the man in the Lamborghini, "What the hell is going on?"
The man in the Lamborghini says, "I just saw my wife riding through the streets of Heaven on roller skates!"
Why did the first boob say to the 2nd boob: "Between us, I have to take a tit."
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?
You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.
Mexican jokes and black jokes are pretty much the same.
Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.
Why were the twin towers fighting?
Because they ordered pepperoni but got plain.
Why did the Titanic sink?
Because the people aboard are stupid.
Why were the twin towers fighting?
Because they ordered pepperoni, but they got plain.
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
A rich guy and a poor guy have their wedding anniversary on the same day. They meet each other at the shopping complex.
The poor guy asks the rich guy, "What'd you get for your wife today?"
The rich guy replies, "I got her a diamond ring and a Mercedes."
The poor guy asks, "Why did you get two gifts for her?"
The rich guy says, "If she doesn't like the diamond ring, then she can return it in her Mercedes."
The rich guy asks the poor guy, "What'd you get for your wife?"
The poor guy says, "I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo."
The rich guy asks, "Why did you get two gifts for her?"
The poor guy says, "If she doesn't like the slippers, then she can go f*** herself."
Yo mama so fat, when she went on the weighing scale, it said, "To be continued."
Yo mama so fat, when she went on the weighing scale, it said "to be continued."
If an apple and a depressed kid fall out of a tree, which one hits the ground first? The apple.
The kid just hangs there.
What's the one thing that makes a depressed person jump? A bridge.