The jokes
I hate it when I go to the shop and people are like, "Oh, hey what are you doing here?"
Me: "Oh, you know, just hunting elephants."
The guy who discovered milk... What did he do with the cow?!
Confusion life question!!!
* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?
What is the Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross country, wall climbing, and their favorite activity in the summer is lawn mowing.
Wanna know something the orphan could never do?
Wish anyone a happy Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.
How does the non binary kill white en Amy?
They/them.
My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.
I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.
When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.
But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!
Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.
She won't talk to me anymore.
Q: Why was the Tower of Pisa leaning?
A: Because it had better reflexes than the Twin Towers.
A king ordered to execute a gay man.
The gay man came and said, "Please don't behead me, have pity!" The king replied, "I will have pity because I will impale you, let you enjoy your last moments."
Q: How do you know if an Asian broke into your house?
A: All your homework and the Rubik's cube you spent a year on and still can’t solve is solved. 🤓🤓🤓🤓
Why were the Twin Towers mad? They ordered pepperoni, and they only got plane.
What's the same thing between a baby and a grenade?
They both make a sound when thrown.
The bears came home. Daddy bear said, "Who's been eating my porridge?" said, "Who's been in my porch?" Baby bear said, "Never mind about the porridge, who knocked the telly?"
Why didn’t the grape 🍇 leave her family?
Because she loved raisin' kids!
Why couldn't the horse give out a speech?
Option one: Horses can't speak at all.
Option two: His voice was a little *hoarse*.
When your mama went to Sea World, the whales started singing, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me!"
You know what's the difference between my basement and Chick-fil-A?
A lot of things.
If you think of a president as your king, then the USA got checkmated on November 22nd, 1963.