The jokes

The reason why in the US their emergency number is 911 is because of my uncle Mohamed, RIP, best pilot ever.

What did the North Tower say to the South Tower?...

"Catch you later!"

The other day my wife told me to pass her her lipstick, but I accidently passed her a glue stick... she still isn't talking to me.

"I've only been ripped off twice in my life. The first time was when I ordered three kebabs and they only delivered two. The second time was when we signed Cristiano Ronaldo."

-Al Nassr owner

Me: I found a group of furries in the woods.

Voice in back: Well, it looks like we're going huntin'.

Why do orphans go to the ancient pyramids for vacation?

In hope to find a mummy.

Your mom is so ugly when she tried to enter the ugly contest, they said they don't allow professionals.

Yo mama is so fat when she stepped on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

What did the evil chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.

Yo mama so stupid, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

I'm pretty sure that 9/11 was the biggest game of Jenga ever recorded in history.

What's the similarity between my son and a rug from eBay? I asked for a refund.

One day, a priest and a nun went to play golf together.

In the first shot, the priest missed his shot and said, "Fuck, I missed it!"

The nun replied, "Hey, you should not curse."

In the second shot, the priest missed his shot again and said, "Fuck, I missed again!"

The nun replied, "Hey, stop swearing, or else God will punish you."

In the next shot, the priest missed once again. He shouted, "Fuck this, this game is bullshit!"

The nun replied, "Enough! God is definitely going to punish you anytime now."

Suddenly, a thunderbolt struck the nun and killed her. The clouds separated from the sky, and there was a voice in the sky saying, "Oh, fuck, I missed!"

When my son was little, he loved to draw. Although he would always rip up the paper whenever there was one little slip up. Too bad he became a tattoo artist.....

Yo mama's so fat, when she walked by the TV when I was watching a show, I waited, and when she finally passed by, Netflix said suggestions: Hulu, and Peacock.

Yo mama so fat, she don't need the internet because she is already worldwide.

Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"

What's the difference between you and a calendar?

Calendars got dates.

Ever wondered why Usain Bolt runs fast? He's training to outrun the cops.

What's the problem with 9/11 jokes?

They are just two plane.