The jokes

You got no lotion to masturbate, then you remember there's some leftover porridge in the fridge. 😌🤎😇

Why was the cheese always so confident? Because it had such a "gouda" self-image.

What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror?

"Halloumi, who's the tastiest of them all?"

Why did the cheese blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.

Why did the cheese fail the test? It couldn't make the grade, curd.

Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion?

There was nothing left but de-brie.

Why did the cheese go to therapy? Because it had too many emotional holes.

@everyone.. what's so funny is that JIT thinks he's so "cool" and that everyone is "amazed" about him hating on people who is wayyy above him on the roster.

The pathetic part is that he hates on everyone else's family and relationships when 100% of us have a WAYY better one than he will ever deserve. He was born pathetic, and will die pathetic. So JIT, please tell me what it's like to be such a coward?

Banker: I have the right to take your money!

Me: Check my name.

Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?

Banker: *realizes*

Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.

My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."

Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.

My dad died in 9/11.

He was the best pilot I ever knew.

Your hairline goes so far back that the History Channel made a show about it.

A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”

Did you hear about the red and blue ships that collided? All the sailors were marooned.

Hey guys! Want to know something cool? Google Jesus' language. It's Aramaic.

Next, google "God in Aramaic". See the results for yourself. <3

A man comes to a bar and has a drink. Then his bully came to him and stole his drink. Then the bully asked, "What's wrong?"

The man said that "I'm trying to kill myself. I tried getting hit by a train, but the train went on a different track. Then I tried to jump off a bridge, but I fell on a boat full of pillows. Then I tried to poison myself."

Then the bully says, "Then what?" Then the man replied, "You just drank it." Then the man left.

How do you prevent a physics teacher from drowning? Shoot her before she touches the water.

What's the definition of suspicious?...

A nun doing sit-ups in a cucumber field. 💀

I had a job at a banana factory. I got fired because I threw away the bent ones.

Chuck Norris heard that nothing in the world could kill him.

So he tracked down nothing in the world and killed it.