The jokes
My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?
Ever heard of account stealing?
Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?
You know what's so horrible about this website?
When I mimic another person's account, the picture ALWAYS changes color. No more identity theft for me.
Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"
What did the moose say after leaving the gay bar?
"Man, I blew 50 bucks in there."
Why are most politicians in the closet or gay?
Because all they can do is mandate.
Did you hear about the gay guy who got kicked off the golf course?
He was playing with too many strokes.
A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.
The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here!"
One day I was at school, and this girl had the nerve. She told me to go to the back of the line. I was looking behind me, and she said, "What are you looking for?" I said, "To who [are] you talking to, boo boo?" Like, is you you my momma?
Two Indians talk over a long distance using smoke signals.
In the middle of the conversation, a nuclear bomb explodes behind one of them, and a huge cloud of smoke rises silently into the sky.
The other Indian signals with smoke: "Not so loud!"
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you."
Why can't you tell an Indian a secret? Because the red dot means they're recording!
I just watched a documentary about beavers.
It was the best dam show I ever saw!
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
What's the difference between a Black person and a White person?
One has a dad, while the other searches.
85% of us are good at school, while the other 15% is good at suicide.
(Teach me your ways, 15%.)
Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought the Grinch was ugly until I saw you.
Fun fact: this category of jokes is the MOST hated one by feminists.
Unless you force them the point.
Ever wondered how Jesus got rid of the cross that killed him?
Burned it in a hellish fire to make some firewood.
Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry?
Well, they aren't.
Why?
They aren't repeated customers.