The jokes
A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”
Did you hear about the red and blue ships that collided? All the sailors were marooned.
Hey guys! Want to know something cool? Google Jesus' language. It's Aramaic.
Next, google "God in Aramaic". See the results for yourself. <3
A man comes to a bar and has a drink. Then his bully came to him and stole his drink. Then the bully asked, "What's wrong?"
The man said that "I'm trying to kill myself. I tried getting hit by a train, but the train went on a different track. Then I tried to jump off a bridge, but I fell on a boat full of pillows. Then I tried to poison myself."
Then the bully says, "Then what?" Then the man replied, "You just drank it." Then the man left.
How do you prevent a physics teacher from drowning? Shoot her before she touches the water.
What's the definition of suspicious?...
A nun doing sit-ups in a cucumber field. 💀
I had a job at a banana factory. I got fired because I threw away the bent ones.
Chuck Norris heard that nothing in the world could kill him.
So he tracked down nothing in the world and killed it.
Chuck Norris met God once. Now God is the puny human.
Chuck Norris can kick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you've ever had.
Chuck Norris once went to hell.
After that, the Devil only falls asleep after he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris breaks a mirror, the mirror gets 7 years of bad luck.
The Earth was flat once. 'Til yo mama got buried.
Yo mama so fat that her belt size is the Equator.
How could the German people fall for Hitler and the Nazis?
There were an awful lot of red flags!
A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells, “I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and stupid rules being a leader!”
A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him. Later, he brings the man to Stalin. The soldier says to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man, “Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the streets?”
The man responds, “Of course, I was thinking about Hitler!”
Stalin lets him go, but then he stops the soldier and says, “Who were YOU thinking about?”
I'm a magician. Watch my closing act at the end of the rope.
What’s the difference between a whale and Lizzo?
Absolutely nothing.
I caught a cold, Mary Earp caught the ball, what did the towers catch? The plane.
The man fired from the World Trade Center on September 10.
That is just plain wrong.