The jokes
What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit suicide.
(YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)
Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?
Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.
Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.
The creator's son tried that!
(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)
What's the difference between a Mexican and a Black person? One gets paid, the other got enslaved.
Why was 10 traumatized?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
What is the worst thing your sibling can steal from you?
Your virginity.
How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?
The psychologist will thank you for coming.
My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them.
I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.
Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...
The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
So, gender equality is the idea that a woman can do anything a man can, right? That they should be treated the same? So, therefore, if she swings on me, I could punch her into the Twin Towers because of gender equality. I love gender equality.
I think Kobe misunderstood the 6-ft rule.
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
Being unemployed is like watching our president fall over himself on the stairs.
There’s no hope.
A priest asks a nun if she has slept with anyone, and the nun says, "Yes, a fucking hot girl!"
Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory?
Unfortunately, many soles were lost.
What do you call two old men drooling in their wheelchairs?
The 2028 US election.
A kid in the back of the class just yelled “Jenga!”
The class was watching a 9/11 documentary.
Yo mama so fat, when she went up the elevator, the World Trade Center collapsed.
Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girlfriend?
You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.
I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.
He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.
*I have seizures*