The jokes

The old cookoo master on the top of Mt. Qinshan told me this when I was eating sushi:

"The first bite tastes like heaven, the second takes you there."

😳

One time, I worked at 3 jobs at the same time and my boss said it was illegal.

It got too out of hand and I got spanked.

Some guy: making a sandwich.

Me: *rages* to put the ham in!

The doctor had an ego so big, it fell into the ocean fast.

Yesterday, I was on a reality TV show where they locked me up with all those smelly monkeys from the Leger Zoo. It was complete madness.

One time, I worked at the zoo and I was feeding the monkeys.

And one of them μяɨɲąţ€ď on me.

And I went to the hospital and got a bloody nose the next day.

One time I broke a leg and I was using a wheelchair.

My parents thought I was a disappointment and put me up on eBay, the Ohioan Black Market, and the nearest adoption center.

I was doing some karate the other day at the studio.

They kicked me out because I was doing “kungi fui.”

I work at a movie studio.

Unfortunately, the team I was working with was useless.

The team:

What’s the difference between milk and the air?

At least the air will always be there for me.

I can make a living with the "Treat Yo self" budget.

Yet I can’t use the "Help yo self" budget.

I was falling down the stairs at my local clock tower.

I somehow broke more than 206. I broke 342!

I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:

1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.

I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.

Osama Bin Laden thrown in ocean!

People who helped with the Twin Towers destruction: ...

American people: We will throw your teabags in the ocean!

British: At least our towers didn’t fall. 😎

Yo mama so fat, she was the lead balloon in the Thanksgiving day parade next to Kermit the Frog.

My boss found my permanent record at the orphanage, and he’s mad. I got fired...

Your momma is so fat that when she egged the Twin Towers, she threw a airplane on accident.

When the airplane saw the Twin Towers, it said, "We can't go over it, we can't go under it, we can't go around it, guess we will go through it."

What went through the heads of the people on the 142nd floor during 9/11?

The 143rd floor.