The jokes
Did you hear about the woman who couldn't stop collecting magazines? She had issues.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
Did you hear about the broken guitar for sale?
It comes with no strings attached.
Did you hear about the bossy man at the bar? He ordered everyone around.
What's a pirate's favorite letter? You'd think it's the "R," but it's really the "C."
What do you give the dentist of the year? A little plaque.
Why did the computer go to bed?
It needed to crash.
What did the earthquake say when it was done? Sorry, my fault!
Why did the computer catch cold?
It left a window open.
What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you.
Did you hear about the cat that ate a lemon? Now it's a sourpuss.
Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.
Have you ever had a bad sausage? It's the wurst.
Why did the drum go to bed? It was beat.
Did you hear about the guy who was afraid of hurdles? He got over it.
What did the tree say when spring finally arrived?
"What a re-leaf."
When does Friday come before Thursday?
In the dictionary.
What did the boy say to his fingers? I'm counting on you.
Did you hear about the roofer who went to the doctor? He had shingles.
I wish the grass in my yard was emo. It could just cut itself.