The jokes
Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?
Mum: See the four birds over there?
Kid: Huh, wait a minute.
Mum: A drunk person would see eight.
Kid: Mum, but there is only two.
What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?
Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.
(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)
In middle school, we had to create words with magnet letters. Some kid laid the word "Animal Therapist". I changed one space and got sent home :/
Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with only one hand?
A: She moans with the other.
The most unfunny joke ever made.
What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?
E.T. eventually went home!
What’s long, green, and smells like bacon?
Kermit the frog’s fingers.
How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
Yo mama so stupid, she studied for the COVID test.
Don't click the link.
@ the N-word of your dreams, why you not say nun on the fuckin community? You should talk on ther my g.
Are you sure your father isn't a thief?
Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
If your eyes were the sea, I would drown in them.
My local hacker contacted me and told me that he hacked my computer.
I responded, “Show me proof.” He provided the username and password for my email account, bank account, video game accounts, and social media accounts. To be honest, that is the fastest “Forgot Password” procedure I’ve ever done.
A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"
What’s the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?
Slicker hair back she looks 15.
Why did Hitler commit suicide?
He got the gas bill.
I found the best GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-get-the-time-machine.
Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them.
The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach.