The jokes
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
Odo walks down the alley and turns into a bar.
The thing I don't like about shopping centers...
When you see one, you've seen a mall.
The patient says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say."
The doctor says, "Next, please."
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
You'd think it'd be R, but really his heart will always belong to the C.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your cock into a girl's mouth.
Why are wives also called a housekeeper?
Because after the divorce, they keep the house.
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar.
It was tense.
What do you call a communist pirate ship?
The USS Arrrrr.
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his butt.
What happened to the fly on the toilet seat?
It got pissed off.
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance, they looked like hare.
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
I don't know. He hasn't opened it yet.
Why is baby shampoo the best anal lube?
No more tears.
Why don't the Amish water ski?
The horses would drown.
Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
To get to the second-hand store!
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce "unionized".
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets?
Women.
What did the beach say as the tide came in?
Long time, no sea.
What's the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?
Deer balls. They're under a buck.