The jokes
A hamburger walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "I'm sorry. We don't serve food here."
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
What's the difference between a surgeon and God?
God knows he's not a surgeon.
Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages?
Because there were too many knights.
What is the hardest part of twerking?
Being black.
Did you hear about the Mexican train hijacker?
They say he had locomotives.
Why did they call off the leper hockey game?
There was a face-off in the corner.
A termite walks into a bar and says, "Hey, is the bartender here?"
What's the difference between a silver medal and a priest?
They both came in a little behind.
The past, present, and future walk into a bar.
It gets really tense.
What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?
Honey, I'm home!
What did one fish say to the other?
Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.
Why couldn't the lizard get a girlfriend?
Because he had a reptile dysfunction!
Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet.
He scares the shit out of it.
The early bird might get the worm...
But the second mouse gets the cheese.
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip.
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can't hear an enzyme.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wipe his ass.
Why didn't anyone care about the circus?
Because it was irr-elephant.