The jokes
What's the difference between PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with the terrorist.
What is the name of the bear capital?
Koala Lumpur.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron."
The other asks, "Are you sure?"
"Yes," the first says, "I'm positive!"
What is it called when the gynecologist slanders your grandfather?
A pap smear.
Why did the fly fly?
Because the spider spied her!
Jesus seemed like he was probably a good guy; healed the sick, fed the hungry, and gave good advice.
Jesus had only one flaw: he was always hanging around.
Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.
Lettuce pray.
I was going to join the debating team.
... but someone talked me out of it.
Why was the computer late to work?
Because it had a hard drive!
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.
Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?
How did the octopus go to the war?
Well armed.
Where do kittens go on a field trip?
The meowseum.
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
Odo walks down the alley and turns into a bar.
The thing I don't like about shopping centers...
When you see one, you've seen a mall.
The patient says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say."
The doctor says, "Next, please."
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
You'd think it'd be R, but really his heart will always belong to the C.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your cock into a girl's mouth.
Why are wives also called a housekeeper?
Because after the divorce, they keep the house.
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar.
It was tense.