The jokes
The cat said hi.
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him:
Wife: "Why is your face all bloody?"
Husband: "I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up, so I kept falling on my face!"
Wife: "Idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!"
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.
How do you make 7 an even number? Take the "s" out!
A pedophile is chatting on the internet: "On a scale of one to ten, how old are you?"
How did the inkjet printer kill himself?
He drank cyan-ide.
When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.
What do you call the place where an octopus is sitting?
Octopied.
Why don't blind people like bungee jumping?
Because it scares the fuck out of dogs!
Vagina jokes aren't funny.
Most of the time.
What's the best part of having sex on a golf course?
The hole experience.
What did the deaf man say to the blind man before he fell into the well?
Nothing.
Why are Trump's ties so long?
Because they go all the way to Russia.
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
Why do women rub their eyes in the morning?
Because they don't have balls.
What did the guy exclaim after inventing the shovel?
It is ground breaking!
Have you ever tried North Korean food?
Neither have the North Koreans.
What did Tennessee do?
The same thing Arkansas did.
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Why did the blind man fall down the well?
He couldn't see that well.