The jokes
Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
What has a bottom at the top?
Your legs.
I just found out I'm colorblind. It came out of the yellow.
What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? The hockey player showers after 3 periods.
What's the difference between a gay and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
How can you tell if your wife is dead? -- The sex is the same, but the dishes start piling up.
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
"Yeah, that's the one!"
A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?
It was given two consecutive sentences.
I love the smell of my F5 key. It's very refreshing.
I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
I now have $999,999.75.
Why didn't the bear go to college?
Because bears don't go to college.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.
Why does the blonde stand in a corner when she's cold?
Because it's 90 degrees.
What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? -- He nuts and bolts.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. -- A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.
Which makes me an eighth-theist.
What is the most sensitive part of a man's anatomy while he's masturbating?
His ears.
What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.