The jokes

I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.

Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.

I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone...

In my spare time I help blind children. -- I mean the verb, not the adjective.

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?

One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?"

God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."

A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m., and his wife is livid. "You swore that you'd be home by 11:45!"

"No," slurs the mathematician, "I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12."

"What does the word 'gay' mean?" asked a son of his father.

"It means 'happy'," replied the father.

"Oh," contested the son, "so you are gay then?"

"No, son, I have a wife."

What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? -- Steven Hawking after a house fire.

Why was the homeless lady only wearing one sock?

She started her period.

Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? -- They're always eating out.

... and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.

Yo mama so poor, the ducks throw bread at her.

Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the beach, the people shout, "Free Willy!"

Yo mama was really the reason why the Titanic sunk.

Yo mama is so nasty, she buys sex toys at the second-hand shop.

Yo mama so stupid, I told her Christmas was right around the corner--and she looked.

Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sits next to everyone.

Yo mama so fat, when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes.

Yo mama stops at the PokeStop... to buy a Big Mac.

Chuck Norris caught all the Pokémon -- from a landline.