The jokes
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
It's easy to roast beef.
What's the most fun a monk can have?
Nun.
How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool?
"Please get out of the pool."
Your momma is so dumb, she sits on the TV and watches the couch.
What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?
"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
What does the B in Benoît B. Mandelbrot stand for?
Benoît B. Mandelbrot.
Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
"Wait, I can explain everything!"
Where did the sheep get a haircut?
At the baa-baa shop.
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
You can keep the tip.
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?
Their last big hit was the wall.
A hamburger walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "I'm sorry. We don't serve food here."
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
What's the difference between a surgeon and God?
God knows he's not a surgeon.
Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages?
Because there were too many knights.
What is the hardest part of twerking?
Being black.
Did you hear about the Mexican train hijacker?
They say he had locomotives.
Why did they call off the leper hockey game?
There was a face-off in the corner.
A termite walks into a bar and says, "Hey, is the bartender here?"