The jokes

How do you know that Americans hate exercise?

9/11. How else do you explain hundreds of them jumping to their death rather than taking the stairs?

Knock, knock.

(Who’s there?)

It’s the police, ma’am, your son got hit by a drunken driver. He’s dead.

It took me years to figure out the Oreos served in Lunchables are knock offs. On the cover it says “Chocolate Crème Cookies.” I’ve believed this lie for as long as I can remember. Unless they were real back then? I don’t even know at this point. They sure as hell aren’t real now!

The snack that smiles back: Ball sack.

If you scanned my thigh, it would show up as a package of Oreos on the screen.

I usually hang up Halloween decorations,

but this year I'm gonna be the decoration.

Your mama's like a cardboard box: open to the public and easy to nail.

What did the white baby say to his Chinese parents?

"Two wongs don’t make a white."

What's the different when a little boy drops in Japan then and now?

When a little boy falls today he gets back up. But then everyone fell and never came back up.

Your momma is so old she has been a waitress at the last supper.

My dad never came back with the milk. My mom told me he's in the army.

My mom has a toy that I see all the girls and guys seem to play with, and the toy is between my mom's legs.

What's the square root of 2001?

9/11

I was walking by the gun shop earlier and saw everything was 40% off. I didn't know back to school sales were already starting.

Roses are red. The sun isn't shining. My mental state is rapidly declining.

Why can't black people have nightmares? Cause we shot the last one that had a dream.

Marriage is like buying a car. You see one that you like and then you buy it. But over the years, it gets older, rusty, and certain parts stop working.

Then you walk into a dealership and look at all the new ones and you're still stuck with the old one. You look over and go, "But I just wanna sit in it. Just once. It's even got leather interior, it's chrome, it doesn't even have oil or gas leaks! And it doesn't squeak!"

I don't want to brag, I finished the puzzle in under a week, and it said 2-4 years on the box.

I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.

"And the Lord said unto John, 'Come forth and receive eternal life,' but John came fifth and got a toaster."