The jokes
How do you cut the sea in half?
With a sea-saw.
What did the green light say to the red light? - Don't look, I'm changing!
Why did Annie fall from the swing?
Because she had no hands.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not Annie.
So, a daughter asks her father, "Dad, what is your opinion on abortions?" Her father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?" The daughter responds, "But I don't have a sister... Oh."
Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.
A kid got a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. He was still unhappy.
Why?
The kid had no legs.
Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
What do a bike and a rubber duck have in common? They both have a handlebar, except for the duck.
What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Corvette?
I don’t have a Corvette in my garage.
Two cannibals are eating a clown, when one cannibal looks up and asks the other cannibal: "Does he taste funny to you?"
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.
Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them... But I was just wondering... should I keep the letters?
Where do religious kids practice sports?
In the prayground.
What is the chemical formula for a banana? BaNa2
Q: What did the chemist say when he found two isotopes of Helium?
A: HeHe.
There is a young man smoking and a woman in a wheelchair. The woman says, "Why is a young man like you smoking?" The man turns around and says, "Why the fuck are you wearing trainers?"
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”
I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
How does Jesus whistle? Through the hole in his hand.
I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤
Why couldn't the chicken cross the road?
Because it was disabled.