The jokes
What did the sushi say to the bee?
"Wasuuubi!"
Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.
A rooster ran across the border from the USA to Canada and laid an egg. Which country does that egg belong to?
Roosters don't lay eggs.
How did the hipster burn his lips?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What did the egg say to the blender? Nothing. It's an egg joke.
When China built the Great Wall, the Mongols invaded them and founded the Yuan dynasty. With Trump building his wall, will the Mexicans invade the US and found the Juan dynasty?
Where did Sally go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
How did Santa fit down the chimney?
He buttered it.
Student: Hey! Did you hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Teacher: No?
Student: All I can say about it is, "Well, well, well."
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?
He was lucky it was a soft drink!
Why did Bob fall off the swing while playing? Because he had no arms.
Knock, knock. Who's there?
Not Bob.
What did the brother cell say when the sister cell stepped on his foot? Ow, mitosis! (my toe, sis)
What did the skeleton say before dinner? "Bone appetit." His whole family found that humerus.
What is the difference between a bag of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage. :)
Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
He was outstanding in his field!
What is the difference between Dray Dray and an overrated footballer called Pogba?
Why do hospitals have fans?
To keep the vegetables fresh and cold.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone chucked a brick at her.
Why did Sally throw a clock out the window? She had brain damage from the brick.
And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.