The jokes
What's the hardest part of eating vegetables?
The wheelchair.
Why was the staircase so sad?
Because everyone walks on them.
Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.
I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
The only thing I do straight is vodka.
What's the difference between a baby and a tire swing?
A tire swing doesn't die when you hang it from a tree.
My cock was in the book of world records...
The librarian told me to take it out.
There was this man, and he forgot about his wife's birthday. She was very upset and said that her present should come as fast as 1-200 by tomorrow. When she woke up, she saw a present in the bathroom. It was a scale.
A man sacrificed children who played Roblox, so when someone knocked on the door, they said, "An administrator has banned you from heaven!"
So, a retarded kid's mom drops her kid off at school and says, "You better stop the bus today, because I’m not picking you up." So he agrees, and he arrives at the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The next day, the mom says the same thing, and the kid goes to the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The third day, his mom says, "I don’t care if I have to jump out in the middle of the road, you better stop that bus!" So the kid goes to the bus stop and jumps out in the middle of the road and says, "Stop!" The bus driver runs over him. A nearby lady stops the bus and says, "Why’d you run that poor kid over?" and he responds, "'Cause he was making fun of me" (in a retarded voice).
What's the difference between a school and an ISIS military base? Don't ask me, I only fly the drone.
Before the chicken or the egg, there was only Chuck Norris.
Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay guys can play Star Wars.
Sans: Wow, seems you’re really working yourself... down to the bone!
A doctor fell into a well and broke his collarbone.
The doctor should attend the sick and leave the well alone!
Why did the octopus cross the road?
Who knows and who cares?
Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks...
My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high...
So, apparently, Hitler's dad was quite the abusive fellow, always beating his son.
Guess that's why he's called (Hit)ler.
Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms or legs.