The jokes
Did you hear about the person who got hit in the head with a soda can?
Good thing it was a "soft" drink!
How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starts, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus, you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.
How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starters, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.
Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.
Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"
What do you call it when Hitler puts retards in the oven? Baked potatoes.
A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.
What's black and sits on the bottom of the stairs to the cellar?
Steven Hawking where the experiments went wrong.
What’s the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?
Acne waits till you’re 13 to come on your face.
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street, and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, "Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?"
To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?"
A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.
A Mexican magician said he would disappear on the count of three. He said, "Uno, dos," and disappeared without a tres!
A new game the whole family can play...
Incest.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It didn't, I hit it with my car 3 blocks down.
What is the hardest part of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
What's red and in a corner?
A baby with a razor blade.
What's green and in a corner?
The same baby three weeks later.
Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.
What did Saturday say on the day before Friday?
I’m thursty (Thursday).
Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester!
Did you hear about the tomato and the lettuce race?
Well, the lettuce was ahead, and the tomato was trying to ketchup!