The jokes

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: Because chickens are mindless creatures and do not know any better.

You are American when you walk into the bathroom, and you are American when you walk out.

But do you know what you are when you're in the bathroom? European.

There was a dog in the middle of the room, so I called it and started to play fetch. Then my mother shouted at me for playing with my food. I missed it, but it was tasty.

Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"

Girl: "Dude, this is a library."

Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)

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    • Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, "I'm hit! I think I've lost an electron!"

    "Are you sure?" asks the other.

    "I'm positive!"

    Why did C.S.C. fail the trigonometry test?

    Cosecant remember his own name.

    Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

    The waiter recommended the rug meal.

    She said it was delicious, but it's a tassle to make.

    You're the bus driver. The bus driver picks up twenty kids, drops two, picks up eighty. Drops seven, picks up a woman with green eyes, drops off a man with blue, kicks a kid in the face, and buried his mother.

    Who's the bus driver?

    You will never nose [know].

    What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?

    A violin has "strings" and a fiddle has "strangs."

    "Banjo players spend half their lives tuning... and the other half out of tune."

    I'm a banjo picker, and I can confirm this is 99% true.

    Come on guys, it's not nice to make fun of autism. I mean really, the Riot devs try their best, but just because they have autism does not mean you can make fun of them. Make fun of them for something else, like their Down syndrome.

    What is the difference between my Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?

    I don't keep my Lamborghini in my garage.

    I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder

    A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies with, "I'm blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde." Then says, "Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke?" The blind guy responds with, "No, I don't wanna tell it that many times."

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