The jokes
Why aren’t Make-A-Wish kids allowed to fly?
Because they rarely make it out of the terminal.
What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?
The HIV test results.
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
I found a dog outside a store, so I took him home with me.
The dog was standing outside a blind supplies store.
One day, Jim saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. He asked if he was an orphan.
The kid said, “Yeah, what gave me away?”
Jim said, “I don’t see any parents.”
Why does the military recruit orphans?
Because homing missiles don’t target them.
What movie do orphans relate to the most?
Spider-Man: No Way Home
What’s the difference between orphans and blind children?
None. Neither can see their parents.
Why did the emo swallow an alarm clock?
So he could wake up inside.
What did the blind kid say after touching the emo kid’s hand?
“I ain’t reading all that.”
What’s an Emo’s favorite exercise?
The dead hang.
Why do emo kids cost so much?
Because they’re the only people you can scan at the checkout machine.
What’s the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
Why do Arabs hate chess?
Because the queen is allowed to move freely.
What does a cop say when they shoot ginger?
"Orange is the new black."
What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler?...
Michael Phelps can finish a race.
An old professor’s class used to begin with a dirty joke.
Following one particularly vulgar joke, the girls in the class decided to walk out the next time he began.
When the professor learned of this planned protest, he came in the next morning and said, “Good morning, class. Did you hear about the scarcity of whores in Newfoundland?”
With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.
“Wait, ladies,” called the professor, “The boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”
What’s the difference between Disney+ and P*rnhub?
Disney+ wants you to hate your stepmother.
What do you call a group of emo people?
"The Suicide Squad."
Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?
It scares the shit out of her dog.