The jokes
A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?
The steering wheel.
I made a website for orphans the other day... it doesn’t have a home page.
John Cabot was the first to explore the Coast of Labrador. After he left, he realized that he had forgotten something and had to go back to get whatever it was. This made him the first Labrador Retriever.
When was the only time you could see people base jump without a parachute?
2001/9/11.
Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be two of them, and now it’s a sensitive subject.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He drove too far away from the wall.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
'Cause she didn't wear a seatbelt.
Mortar is like a woman's fanny; the more you play with it, the wetter it gets.
My tutor just said this quote of 2k18^^^
Pontypool is rough.
One time I saw a manatee all spray painted to look like a tiger. Needless to say, the first thing I yelled was, "OH! THE HUMANATEE!"
A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.
What did the people who cracked the Liberty Bell get for breaking it?
The no-bell prize.
Did you hear about the two burglars that stole a calendar?
I hear they got six months each.
1950: In the future there will be flying cars.
2018: Pewdiepie shuts down Shane Dawson.
How many people does it take to change a lightbulb underwater? The results are shocking!
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
What did the pimp order at the Chinese restaurant?
He ordered some cock-bang-ho.
What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?
You can’t abuse an alligator.
You can't lose Kahoot if you "kashoot" the class first.
Your mama is so fat that she doesn't get crushed by cars, she crushes cars and babies in strollers on the sidewalk when she falls and doesn't see any remains, so there is no evidence.