The jokes
I've been going to the dentist for a while now, I know the drill.
What’s the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
Who is the biggest slut in the world? Ms. Pacman, because you give her 25 cents and she swallows balls until she dies.
Space therapist in between the e and the r.
The rapists!
Why are most West Virginians going to hell?
Their favorite pastimes (inbreeding and bestiality) are an abomination unto the Lord.
Why didn’t Harry Potter use the chamber to teach Dumbledore’s army?
Because at one point poisonous gases were put in it.
What's the most delicious city in the world? Hamburg.
What's the difference between a pizza & a person?
A pizza doesn't scream when I try to shove it into an oven...
Three gay guys walk into a bar.
There is only one stool left, what do they do?
They flip the stool over.
What's the difference between me and a bus?
I'm not on fire...
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a sack of dead babies?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
My sister has cows, and after 4 months, she said there was a mis-steak.
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going to the airport, which one gets there first? The lesbian, duh, they get there "lickety-split."
A teacher gives her kindergarten students four flavors of lifesavers, and they have to guess the flavors. The students guess cherry, lime, and orange. They don't know the last flavor. So, the teacher gives them a hint and says, "It's what your parents call each other." [honey] But a little girl shouts and says, "OMG, they're assholes."
Why couldn't the clown walk after his infamous knife-juggling act?
Because he was exhausted nigaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
My uncle died on nine eleven... he was the best pilot in Iraq.
Sometimes, I think back on all the mistakes I've ever made.
Then I realize, "My daughter isn't THAT bad..."
My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She's got my sister's eyes.
What’s the difference between an orphan and a watermelon? One of them is fun to hit with a sledge hammer and the other one is just a watermelon.
A pedophile brings his eight-year-old daughter to the doctor's office. The doctor asked her if she would like some candy? Her father replies, "Please, no more candy for her. I gave her enough today."