The jokes
What did the lungs say to the cigar?
"You take my breath away..."
Having an abortion will make you so tired... it literally sucks the life out of you.
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Slap it on the arse and tell it to keep going!
Can't wait for the orphans to have their family reunion! Wait...
I'll never forget my boss's last words: "We shall serve the best meat in our burgers!"
A hot dog and a banana had a race. Who won?
The wiener.
The person next to me on my flight was shocked when they found out I was Arabian. I lagged so hard my gerber almost fell out of my pocket.
My sister thinks she's so smart. She said, "Onions are the only food that makes you cry." So I threw a coconut at her.
What's the difference between fruit and a freshly killed corpse?
I don't eat the fruit.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an ugly girl? The Twin Towers at least got fucked.
Why is there air conditioning at a hospital?
To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
Yum!
He huffed and he puffed, but instead of blowing the house, he choked it down with his mom.
Guy: Say "I'm a man" every time I stop.
Person:
Guy: You walk into a bar.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: You meet a girl.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: You and the girl go to a hotel.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: You guys go on a bed.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: She whispers into your ear...
Person: I'm a man!
What is the difference between Sir Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Some moving men had just begun their day's work.
The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.
The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."
The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says, "I would like one beer for me and one for the road."
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
What did the triangle say to the circle?
You're pointless.
Two antennas met on a roof and got married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was incredible.