The jokes
A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read, "Hey, I'm sorry I had to tell you like this but I have been doing your wife for months now." The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying, "Sorry, meant using your wifi."
Why did the duck cross over the cave? Because he wasn't a chicken.
IDK, sorry...
Why did the baby cross the road?
Because it was stapled to the chicken.
Teacher: Don’t run into the road!
Down syndrome: Weeeeee!
Teacher: Lol, now he’s a mashed potato.
When the emo kid is about to hang himself in the school bathroom, and the autistic kid starts swinging the rope like Indiana Jones!
You are so small that you play hockey against the curb!
Why is the wheel the best invention?
Because it's wheely wheely great!
What is an astronaut's favorite part of a keyboard?
The SPACE BAR!
What is the one feature an orphan kid's phone doesn't have that mine does?
A home button.
Why did the skeleton run away from the crime scene?
He didn't have the guts to see it.
There are 5 cows in a field. One of them is the mom, the rest are kids. One of the kids walked up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Daisy?" and then a daisy fell on her head.
The second cow came up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Rose?" and then a rose fell on her head. Then the 3rd cow said, "Why am I named Violet?" then a violet fell on her head. Then the 4th cow walked up and said, "Merrrbere." Then the mom said, "Shutup, cinder block!"
Will: Let's bring Hannibal a gift today!
Beverly: Yeah, I bet he’d love that!
Will: Yey!
Beverly: What should we bring him?
Will: *holds up a bucket and knife with an insane looking smile* Come in the bucket!
Did you hear about the monkeys that share an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
What did the ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing. They just waved.
Did you sea what I did there?
Why did the scarecrow get an award? He was outstanding in his field. Okay, I'll admit it's corny.
Do you guys know why women have small feet? It's because God created them to stand closer to the sink when they wash dishes.
H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?
W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.
*Later that day*
W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?
H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.
What’s the world’s most diseased country?
GerMany.
Why is the Nazi Anthem banned in Germany? Because Horst Wessel lied.
Yo mama so fat, she takes up all the space.