The jokes
Why did the guitar teacher get arrested?
He fingered a minor.
This is a lot like anal sex.
You always miss 100% of the shots if you don't take it.
What is the best type of bath bomb?
A toaster.
Why did the orphan not have a girlfriend?
Because he thought that she would leave him too.
I like my women how I like my fridge.
In the kitchen.
Why did the steward not receive his passport? Because his face was not valid!
Q: Why did the rooster cross the road?
A: To show he wasn't a chicken.
What time does the man go to the bank?
8 AM.
What number is better; 46 or 47?
I don't know, ask the kid with Down syndrome.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?
The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.
Ever notice 9-1-1 (the number for the po-po) is the Great Date (9-11)... Hmmm.
What did Batman say to Robin before getting in the Batmobile?
"Get in the Batmobile!"
Buh dum tish.
What's the difference between a smart blonde and a dinosaur?
The dinosaur once existed.
So a blond and a brunette jumped out of a plane. Who hit the ground first?
The blond because she had to ask for directions.
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
They ordered Domino's and got "gets".
Why were the Twin Towers sad?
They ordered Dominos and got Jets.
An American and an Asian walk into a bar. What are your names? the bartender asks. The American says, "William Matthews." The Asian says, "Same Ting."
Why did the plane crash in the ocean? Because the pilot saw steward Undercut!
Why did Steward die in the toilet?
He saw his Undercut in the mirror.
Why did the mushroom go to the party??
Because he was a fungi!