The jokes
At night in the Nunnery, one Nun says to the other Nun, "Where's the candle?" The other Nun says, "Doesn't it!"
Boy: Have you heard of the cool kid who just told us he had autism?
Teacher: What?
Boy: Well... never mind, he's well supported.
Why did the toad cross the road?
To show his girlfriend he had guts.
What's the difference between a baby and a Dorito?
One is a tasty snack, the other is a Dorito.
What's the difference between onions and babies?
I cry when I cut onions.
One day, I saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" I said, "His parents."
A ball hit me in the vagina.
What's a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds?
They are all locked in the Priest's basement.
"I only eat food on the right of my plate."
"Are you good at eating?"
"I'm alright at eating."
I wondered why the pitcher hadn’t pitched the ball yet.
Then it hit me.
A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little boy says, "That's my little red race car." 10 minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little girl says, "That's my little red race car garage."
So later that night the boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She says yes, and they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won't fit. Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs upstairs, flips on the lights, and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?" The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn't fit, so I cut the back wheels off."
How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?
If you said he felt it in his bones, you're wrong. He watched the weather forecast.
What's the difference between a PC and a 6 year old? I don't have to clean out my PC.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she is a dumb b*tch!
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They'll just arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being dark.
I want to thank all the sidewalks out there for keeping me off the street.
I need to go to the tailor, or so it seams.
My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.
So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."
My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"
I said, "Literally."
Why did the skeleton not go to the dance?
Because he’s dead.
You idiot.
Why did the cow jump over the moon?
Because the farmer had cold hands!