The jokes
Chuck Norris doesn't get sun burns. The sun knows better.
Why do seagulls not fly over the bay?
Because if they did, they'd be bay gulls.
What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?
Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.
One time this kid came back from school and said, "Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?" And his mom said, "Good news please," and the boy said, "I got 100% on my math test today." and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said, "Now to the bad news, I LIED!"
Teacher: Take a seat, class.
Wheelchair person: I've been in the seat.
People with wheelchairs listen to "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele.
How to make holy water:
1. Grab a pot.
2. Put water in it.
3. Set the stove to 420 degrees.
4. Boil the hell out of it.
Have you heard about the smart traveler? He's clearly going places.
Why did the dead baby cross the road?
It was strapped to the chicken.
The sexual shout "Yes Daddy" probably originated in Alabama.
Shut the hell up with all these Stephen Hawking jokes, hahah. I wanna kms.
Why was the cow scared? Cause he had a nightmoo-r.
Why was Stephen Hawking late to the NASA meeting?
He couldn't get up the kerb.
Your cow is so ugly, it scared the crap out of the toilet!
What was the guy with no arms, legs, or a head name?
Matt.
Stephen only died because his wife tripped over the power cord.
How do spiders reach the internet?
Through the World Wide Web!
Why didn’t the bike stand on its own?
It was too tired.
Did you know all Canadians have the same blood type?
They all have blood "eh."
Why were the tenants of the Twin Towers sad?
They ordered a pepperoni pizza, but they got PLANE.