The jokes
Why was the egg naughty? Because he wanted a good cracking!
Yo mama's so stinky that whenever she walks into a building, the flies drop dead!
What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?
Breakfast in bed!
Y'know what's really sad?
Why break the fourth wall when you can turn the third wheel?
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Not Sally.
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."
"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."
"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."
"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."
"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."
"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."
Q: Why did the father throw butter out the window?
A: He wanted to see a butterfly.
What’s a bird’s favorite movie?
The Parrots of the Caribbean.
Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?
A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.
I got a new job at a trampoline park the other day. If I’m being honest, it’s got its ups and downs.
Why did the camel cross the road?
Because it wanted to get to the bright green grass.
Why did the chicken go to the mall?
To get new feathers!
What did the dog say to the other dog?
What did the boyfriend say to his girlfriend?
What did the mom say to the baby?
A group of friends went outside to pick up stuff. One of the friends said, "It is windy as heck out!"
Little Johnny is walking around and peaks in his parents' room, catching them having sex, so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! We’re just uh, making cake,” and they send him away.
So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother’s room, so he walks in and catches his brother and his brother’s girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! We're making cake!”
So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! How'd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.
I was working at the bank today when an old lady came up to me and asked me to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the Moo-vie theater.
Me and my mom order Chinese food.
My mom grabs the egg roll and starts licking it up and down and sucking on it in front of the Chinese delivery guy. I said, "Why are you doing that?" Then my mom says, "I love him a long time so we don't have to pay for the food."