The jokes
I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest, telling her we can get married once she makes her way out.
I went to see my dentist, and she warned me it was going to hurt. Then, she told me she was having an affair with my husband. Good news though...the cleaning didn't hurt.
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, βThis isnβt working.β
I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and itβs working fine? Anyone know what he means?
Once a man goes to a restaurant. Then, he was waiting until the waitress comes and tells him that they don't have food.
He was grumpy, but the waitress make him relaxing by unbuttoning her pants and undressing her panties and uncovering clothes from her pussy until everything get striped, then she say to him: "Good meal."
Mmm, I'm Walter McWhitey, I'm from the newest Mexico.
I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.
The priest is in jail now.
When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,
So you start singing "Itβs the best day ever!"
Science can fly you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.
Why can't there be a gay disabled person?
Because a fruit can't be the same as a vegetable.
I am the Lorax. I speak for trees. I have the high ground, and I will cut off your knees.
What is the difference between a hipster and a hockey player?
A hockey player showers.
Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock.
He finally got up there, but a bird stole his co-.
Riddler: Riddle me this, are you scared of the big black?
Person: Big black what?
Riddler: ...
Person: I'm scared of what you mean because you won't tell me what you mean.
Inela, your hairline goes so far back I remember seeing it in the stone age! π€£π€£π€£π€£
Yo mama so fat the scale said, "I need your weight, not your phone number."
Riddler: Riddle me this, are you scared of the big black?
Person: Big black what?
Riddler: ...
Person: I'm scared of what you mean because you won't tell me what you mean.
Your hairline goes so far back, I remember seeing it in the Stone Age.
Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."
The student looked up and replied, "Well, you canβt say you werenβt warned, Mrs. Matthews!"
My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."
She died in a fire.