The jokes
What did the robber say to the clock?
Hands up!
What a skeleton baked for the other skeleton.
A pa_pıe_rus.
What’s a cow’s favorite piece of furniture?
The cowch (couch).
I speak for the trees.
*Trees whisper in my ear*
They said six million wasn't enough.
What did one poop say to the other poop? What's the matter? You look flushed!
Roses are red, don’t touch the toys, these are what the priests use to lure in the boys.
Q: What is the opposite of 'Dominos'?
A: Domi doesn't know!
My friend looks like a homeless, thanks for the jokes.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because he forgot to plug in the charger.
Stephen Hawking didn't die, he got sucked up by the black hole then got sent to the large charger in the sky.
What's the difference between me and my best friends?
At least one of us has a house.
Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."
Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"
Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."
what is the fastest land animal? the last chicken in a Kenyan village.
A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and sees a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running, building momentum before launching himself at the nun, catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head, knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement.
He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nun's ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habit and lifting her limp to her feet till face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace, the drunk victoriously growled, "You're not so bloody tough tonight, are ya, Batman?"
Why do orphans go to church?
It’s the only place they can call someone “father.”
Why can’t the T-Rex clap his hands?
Because he is DEAD.
Person 1 says to Person 2: "I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith."
So Person 2 says to Person 1: "What's the name of his other leg?"
What's worse than locking your keys in the car in front of an abortion clinic?
Having to go back inside and ask to borrow a hanger.
Why did Jimmy throw his clock out the window? Because he wanted to see time fly.
Blood is red.
Bruises are blue. I forget the rest... um, I hate you...?