The jokes
What's the difference between a boy and girl? A boy always carries an average 5in "do not enter" sign.
When the police caught him stealing the batteries, he got immediately charged!
Q: Why can’t Stephen Hawking go to the countryside?
A: There’s no signal.
What’s the only type of batteries that they use in prisons? Duracell.
Why did the baseball player go to jail?
Because he stole first base.
The only reason Stephen Hawking died was because he saw the end.
According to all known laws of aviation,
there is no way a bee should be able to fly.
Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.
The bee, of course, flies anyway
because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.
Barry! Breakfast is ready!
Coming!
Hang on a second.
Hello?
- Barry? - Adam?
- Can you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up.
Looking sharp.
Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those.
Sorry. I'm excited.
Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son.
A perfect report card, all B's.
Very proud.
Ma! I got a thing going here.
- You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me!
- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye!
Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Heehheehehehehehehe
To get to the other side. Ahaahahahahahahahahahahaa!
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack! 🤣😂🤣
Mozart doesn't care if Bach is better than him; at least he puts a lot of emotion [into his music and] he makes people happy.
Why do brides wear white?
So they match the kitchen appliances.
What is the difference between a hundred dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage!
Every single person on the plane died except for 2. How is that possible?
It said all the single people died; the 2 were a couple. That's how it was possible.
Post Malone was in the hospital, but he is BETTER NOW.
Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”
Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”
What is the similarity between an anti-joke and a clown? Neither are funny.
A police officer pulls a man over. "Hands in the air!"
The man said, "Okay."
Biggest lie ever told: it was the cat.
Fact: If you jump off a 12-story building, you will not like the result.
Why did your friend eat the burger?
Because he wanted to murder all burgers and was starting with this one!
Not really. He was just hungry.