The jokes
What did the HP say to a Dell?
Hello!
Why don't headless people have a head in class?
Because they know that they will be ahead of the class. XD
What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved.
I hate my life.
There was a woman named Sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big!
Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.
69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 16120
58008 (flip calculator)
Boobless.
We have some leak in the fridge. I'm surprised nobody has called a plumber.
What's the difference between a baby and a mansion?
I've never seen the inside of a mansion.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She gagged.
Me: What did one toilet say to the other?
You: What?
Me: You look flushed!
Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?
Many soles were lost.
My disabled dad went to the grocery store.
He got lost and yet they couldn’t find him.
Finally, he was found after a kid told them he was in the vegetable aisle.
It’s so sad how Stephen Hawking was just rolling too far away from the outlet. RIP :(
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other is just a watermelon.
A man gets kicked out of police camp after writing "Who's that Pokémon?" next to all of the chalk outlines.
I just watched a program about beavers.
It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen!
Me: Have you seen the movie Constipation?
You: No.
Me: Because it hasn’t come out yet! ERMINER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How did the skeleton win the girl? He was humerus.
What was the one test Stephen Hawking couldn't pass? The beep test.
One day, there was an ugly barnacle. It was so ugly that everyone died. The end!
A hand of Pepsi murdered a Coca Cola. An innocent Sprite yelled, "Quick! Call Dr. Pepper!"
Eventually, a 7-Up called Dr. Pepper. The Coca Cola was fine.
Why did Stephen Hawking go out in the rain?