The jokes
What do you call the worst joke teller of all time?
Ben or Chris?
I was at a baseball game and I was wondering why the ball was coming closer.
And then it hit me.
A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "What, no soap?" Then he dies and she marries the barber.
Why is Johnson's baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?
- No more tears.
What do you call a cow that has two legs shorter on one side of its body compared to the other?
LEAN BEEF!
Why is Fairy's washing up liquid the best form of lubricant for anal sex?
No more tears.
What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.
I was watching a TV show where a guy was hanging off a cliff, then the series ended... I guess you can say that they left that guy on a cliffhanger!
What did the no head man say?
"Haha!"
A little chimney said: "Ooooh, I think my house owner is making a fire in me! I'm about to smoke!"
The big chimney said next to him: "Well, you're too young to smoke..."
I won't ever forget my dad's last words: "OH GOD THE POLICE!!!"
What did the cake say to the fork?
"Do you want a piece of me!!!"
How do you turn the Roman numeral IX (9) to a six?
Add the "S."
I was born on the moon.
Yeah, my mom was high, and my dad was down to earth.
If you have sex and your African parents find out,
“You can do the boom boom. But you can not do the boom boom in my house. Do it somewhere else."
If you ever get mad at an orphan, punch them in the face... What are they going to do, tell their parents?
A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping. The boy asks, "What is that man doing?" The mom says, "Making pizza," trying to turn him away.
The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says, "Making extra cheese." When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says, "Ordering the pizza."
Later that day, the mother says to the father, "I think I want to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, don't know why that sounds good."
So that night, the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs, "Wanna order some pizza!?"
The mother replied, "DON'T WORRY I'M MAKING SOME!"
The son's voice followed, "I'M ADDING EXTRA CHEESE!"
The chicken is actually a fruit because it is grown on a pole-tree.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Because he had no body to go with!
My son always said he wanted to skydive, so we went on a plane, and mid-flight, we had to jump out. The only issue is we were on a commercial flight to Arizona.