The jokes
Why is a tomato red?
Because it saw the ranch dressing!
What's the last thing that went through John F Kennedy's head?
A bullet.
Me: Hey you trashy pig woman, go in the toilet or lay on the grass where you belong.
Trashy pig woman: Why?
Me: Because you smell like fart and you're pretty much just a turd with lips.
Me: "Hey, you trashy pig woman, go in the toilet or lay on the grass where you belong."
Trashy pig woman: "Why?"
Because you smell like fart, and you're pretty much just a turd with lips.
What happened when the American broke his arm?
He went broke.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a daredevil?
One has cunning stunts, whilst the other has a stunning...
Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to go to the movies.
Mom: SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND CLEAN MY ROOM! YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE!
Kid: I don't want to go to the movies.
Mom: Shut your mouth and clean my room!
Friend texting fat boy: I know you're on the group chat. I can see you looking at my texts.
Me: I can only see fat.
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? "I gagged."
Someone eats glue and tells the other, "Sorry, can't stick around!"
My family is like Donkey Kong: a real pain in the ass.
One day I was working at the bank, doing my job. Then suddenly a woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Then I told her that her balance is un-balanced.
Three women—a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead—are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two hours later, their vehicle dies with no gas, and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them.
The brunette brings canteens of water.
The redhead takes a large beach umbrella.
The blonde somehow rips off the car door.
The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?"
To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."
Pope Francis: "What is the hardest thing about nailing a young boy to a cross?"
"My penis."
What's dumb?
The Fetus Deletus joke!
Fucking hate that joke....
What do Will from "Stranger Things" and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air have in common? They're both named Will, and their lives both got flipped, turned upside down.
The bank said go to the river bank. Oh, oh, oh, good fishy joke!
I’ll never forget my grandpa's last words to me...
“Are you still holding the ladder??”
Did you know Stephen Hawking died in a game? The game was Happy Wheels.