The jokes
Did you hear the joke about the butter?
What is it?
I can’t tell you, you’ll spread it.
Why did ze cow cross the road?
yo watch his mum getting butchered she was an udder failure.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball? He didn't have any BODY to go with.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?
Because he didn't have the guts to do it.
Doctor: I'm sorry, but you still have 10 seconds left.
Man: What?! What about my family?! My son is still missing! I can't just leave like that!
Doctor: Don't worry sir, I told your family.
Man: That's... great... if they found my son, tell them that I love him more than anything and I couldn't keep that promise.
The doctor watches the man closing his eyes while tears fell down from his eyes.
Doctor: I will... dad...
Tq for reading my crappy joke.
Hey, what's the puniest pun you can come up with?
Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some marijuana. Jack got high and slapped her thigh and said "you know you wanna". Jill said yes, pulled down her dress, and then they had some fun. Silly Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.
I cannot moderate myself at all. It's either I don't take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions, decisions...
Boi, you can't be talking because if someone punched you in the face, you will be the one to apologize.
Boi, you can't be talking because if someone punched you in the face, you will be the one to apologize.
How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do his essay.
Q: What time does an Asian go to the dentist?
A: 2:30
An Asian man goes to the eye doctor.
The doctor says, "It looks like you have a cataract."
The Asian guy says, "No Doc, I drive a Rincoln."
I wonder why the plane got bigger and bigger, then it hit me.
Man: What's up?
Me: I'm annoyed.
Man: Why?
Me: I stole my gf's heart.
Man: So why are you annoyed?
Me: Everyone else in the surgery room gave me weird looks.
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window, and jumps out.
A man enters the bank and says, "Hi, I'm robbing you!" The man was arrested instantly.
What did they call Susan B. Anthony when she was sleeping on the job?
Snoozin' B. Anthony!
How did the orphan die?
Of sadness.
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.