The jokes
I don't understand the plane crash at 9/11. My dad was a great pilot!
I called the suicide hotline in Saudi Arabia. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"
How do you put "blonde" and "duh" in the same sentence? Just say, "Blondes are dumb."
Why did the Mexican chicken cross the road?
Because the mom said, "Vente, Baca."
Why was the man running around his bed?
Because he needed to catch up on his sleep!
What is the slipperiest county?
Greece!
How did the toilet react when it received a gift?
That was so pot full (thoughtful)!
You're walking on the street when you realize that you're in the road as you feel the horn dying away.
The twin towers are like water bottles.
It's all right if you knock them down as long as you pick up the mess.
Why does everybody like the sun? Because it's hot.
How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?
He could feel it in his bones!
What did the math acorn say when it grew up?
"Gee-I'm-a-tree."
My ex's love for me :(
I still love the dude sadly, but I won't take him back.
Did you hear about the song Rihanna wrote about the tin can?
It was called "S & N."
There was a news story the other day where a magician disappeared. He was like "At the count of 3 I will disappear aight...Uno, Dos," and he disappeared without a trace.
Jason Kenney has never worried about putting food on the table for his kids.
"Knuckle babies" don't eat.
I'm going to piss on the floor.
Read if gay.
Aha!
haha why couldn't the bike stand up because it was too tired.
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, “Hey mister, it’s getting really dark and I’m scared.” The man replies, “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”