The jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road to go away?
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.
Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.
I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.
... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
I only remember my father's last words before he died. He said, "Are you still holding the ladder?"
Why did the bat cross the road? Because to get to the blood bar.
How did the necrophiliac get caught?
Some rotten cunt split on him....
Where did the chef put the disease?
In Ebola.
What did scientists prove when they saw a skeleton on the moon?
The cow didn’t make it.
Sex dolls are alive in the Toy Story universe.
symple: Why did you include me in this fuckery?
symple: And why the fuck am I the profile picture?
angela: Because you are the thot of the group.
symple: Well it takes one to know one.
symple: Aren't Thot jokes just "whore'able?"
angela: FUCK OFF!
So, me and my friend dressed as dead people for Halloween. The only difference in the costume was that he was actually dead.
"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.
"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."
"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.
Grandma pointed to the campfire.
Do you want to hear a joke about the blunt pencil? Never mind, it's pointless.
My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again.
So I was watching TV, right? Then I f***ing got banged in the eye with either a remote or metal tongs. "WTF?"
Whoever invented the knock-knock joke should get a "no bell" prize.
...... fuck the turtles...... THE END
Why is the iPhone X the perfect phone for an orphan?
Because there is no home button.
An apple walked into the clinic.
The doctor asked what his favorite color was.
The apple said "red." :)
Why couldn't Sally write with the pen? (Friend: Idk, why?) Because she had no arms.
Why couldn't Sally play Tennis? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Yes, she had no arms.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) No, Joe pushed her.
Why couldn't Sally pick up the box? (Friend: *Some weird guess*) Because she had no arms.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock Knock. (Friend: Who's there?) Not Sally.