The jokes
Did you hear the story about the eel? It was shocking! 😂😂😂😂😂
A FedEx plane was carrying 375 fridges across Africa, but the cargo door wasn't shut properly, and only 218 reached the desired destination. The rest landed in a remote village. How many fell out the plane?
Time's up! You took too long; you only had 4 seconds to answer it.
How do you put an elephant into the fridge that pushed out the cargo door?
Open the fridge, put the elephant in, and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe into the fridge?
Open the fridge, take out the elephant. Then put in the giraffe and close the door.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she got hit by the other 156 refrigerators.
How did she survive?
Her idiot mother tried to pull her out and accidentally ripped both her arms off, but she was rescued 8 minutes later.
That moment when the disabled kid has to take the Pacer test.
Why can't people in wheelchairs pass high school?
The pacer test.
A stupid dolphin makes an annoying noise.
The dolphin did it on porpoise.
A lady comes into the boys' bathroom and a boy sees her.
"This is not a girls' bathroom," he says.
She answers, "I don’t care," she says, "I NEED TO PEE!"
Why is the sun famous? Because it’s a shining star.
Sorry for posting this!
Why did the United Nations stop the French government from using the guillotine in public?
Because the French government was using the guillotine on newborn babies for circumcision.
Okay, One time I there was my dog. But then the dog, it fell.
Then I f**ked my dog hard in the a**.
What did the baker say when he forgot the cookie sheets?
Ooh, snickerdoodles!
When the washer started running, why did you join me?
Because I had to catch it.
Did you hear the one about the deaf person?
Me: No.
That's because they can't hear, so they don't talk.
This boy said, "Get your hairline straight." I said, "Girls don't have a hairline. How about you go to the barber shop and let your barber do your hair 10 times worse than he did the first time."
You want to know the bad thing? Only 5 out of 6 people like Russian roulette.
what's the difference between hitler and you?
one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.
What's the difference between my dad and the milk man? The milk man comes back with the goddamn milk.
There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump.
She really hates it when I spit my food back out.
What’s ten feet long and bald?
The conga line in the cancer ward.
A girl invites her friends to come to her birthday party, and at the party, one of her friends poops their pants.
When Sally finds out, she yells, “I never should have invited you to my party! You are a party pooper!”
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He drove too far away from the power point/modem.