The jokes

I took my friend skydiving once, and he jumped out of the plane without a parachute. Then I remembered he was emo.

What's the difference between a bird and an emo?

Birds fly.

Normally the reason you don't get a knife when you ask for one is because the person you asked is emo.

What's an emo's favorite part about being dunked?

The hangover.

What's the difference between Ironman and Ironwoman?

One's a superhero, one's a command.

what's another name for cumming inside of a woman?

loading the dishwasher.

It's illegal to go onto someone's property, demand money that they might not have while wearing all black, and threaten horrible things if they don't pay.

But when the IRS does it, it's perfectly fine. HMMMMM . . .

I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen.

How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned?

What did the cops say when someone called him racist?

"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."

I believe Alia is a true god because they say in the beginning there was an explosion.

Like a shooter says, "I put the fun in funeral!"

A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.

The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."

The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."

The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.

Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff?

Neither did I until I found his Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.

What’s the difference between black matter and Black Lives Matter?

Black matter leaves an impact.

Why do orphans enjoy playing tennis?

It's the only way they’ll get love.

Your hairline is like the economy, it's going down.

My girlfriend gave me the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.

What does a cannibal do after eating its vegetables?

Sells the wheelchair.

Why were the Twin Towers angry on 9/11?

Because they ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got instead was plane.

I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.

He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.