The jokes
Why did the clown not attack Mike? Because they bouncee.
One day I came to my mom and said, "MOM!!! I can make a butterfly!"
Mom: "No you can't..."
Me: *throws butter out the window* Me: "Look I made a butterfly!"
lol this isn't funny but I hope you liked it.
What did the fish say when seeing his best mate?
"I sea him!"
What does the Titanic sell most?
Icebreakers.
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant all her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats,” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “well done?”
Repost
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple got picked.
Did you hear about the kidnapping? Yeah, he woke up.
Why is the beach friendly?
Because it waves!
What's the similarity between a broken pencil and my life?
They're both pointless.
Why are Democrats represented by the donkey? Because some Democrats can be such an ass!
What's the difference between my wife and a battery? I can't use a battery when it dies.
"Number 15: Burger King foot lettuce. The last thing you want in your Burger King burger is someone's foot fungus, but as it turns out, that might be what you get."
What do doctors say to patients who blow wind backwards?
DON'T PUT THE FART BEFORE THE FORCE!!
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "congrats," but none of them touch the man's penis and say "well done?"
Me: I’m gonna smite the life out of you!!!
Orphan: What! No! Please no!
Me: What you gonna do? Run home and tell your parents? Wait, I forgot, you don’t have a home or parents!!!!
Why didn't the orange go to the doctor?
Because he had vitamin C.
A duck walks into a bar. The duck says to the bartender, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No." Then the duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "NO!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No, and if you say that one more time I will nail your bill to this bar!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any nails?" The bartender says, "No." The duck says, "Well then, bartender, got any bread?"
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks, “A Bloody Mary?”
The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me.”
“Hot water?”
“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea.”
Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a big bill.
Never hide something behind a bookshelf. It's the oldest trick in the book!