The jokes
Santa Claus gave a child a bike and a football. The child wasn’t happy. Why?
He had no legs.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because they thought they saw their parents. (Plot twist: the orphan got ran over.)
How did we know Princess Diana had dandruff?
'Cause the police found her Head and Shoulders on the dash.
Why did the condom cross the road?
Because he was pissed off.
A man goes into Heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa’s clock, it has never moved because she has never lied."
"There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice."
"Where is Donald Trump’s?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
What is the difference between the assassination of César and the assassination of Jesus?
They were both killed by Romans.
What do you call a cow that's on the ground? Ground beef.
What was Jesus scared of the most?
Snails.
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
'Cause it got knocked down on its way.
Why did Stephen Hawking go to Hell?
He couldn't get up the stairway to Heaven.
What's the grossest mission NASA could do?
Probing Uranus.
What did the cactus look like with his tuxedo on?
Sharp! 🤣
Q: What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? A: Apples get picked.
One day I asked my mom where kids came from. She said the man who went to the milk store.
Five years later, he came back and left again.
Your mom's so heavy that it caused Atlas, the Titan, to slip a disc.
Time for a random Terraria joke.
Q: Why did the guide die at his house?
A: The player dropped his doll in the lava.
(WALL OF FLESH HAS AWOKEN) :| Oh crap!
Did you know that Helen Keller had a twin?
Yeah, Helen ate her in the womb.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Covid.
Covid who?
The thing that killed half a billion people!
Little Johnny asks a fireman, "Do you want to see my fire truck?"
So the fireman goes to look at it. Little Johnny tested it. "I got my hat in my fire truck."
So the fireman says, "Last night's alright, but why is it tied up to you wagging?" And he looks closer and sees the string is tied up in knots. He said, "That's nice all right, but why is it tied up to his nuts?"
The little Johnny said, "Well that's my son," and so he yanks on it.
All the jokes on this website are terrarible.