The jokes

A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.

Let’s make this the most liked and commented [post].

Two gays came into the bar and said, "What's up, you big faf mother of hell?"

Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.

Mom: Did you finish your homework?

Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.

Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.

Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!

Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.

Son: That was cruel!

Hit 'em with the 1, 2, Jeffery Dahmer!

What is the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You need to drop the bomb twice on her before she gets it.

Hit'em with the Ted Bundy.

So a guy gets a motorcycle with authentic leather seats, and the dealer tells him, "Dude, the rain will ruin the seats. Get it under something if it starts raining, and worst-case scenario, put Vaseline all over the seats to make it waterproof." So he goes to his girlfriend's house that night for dinner, and before he goes inside, she says, "Listen, this is your first time meeting my parents. We have a rule: the first one to speak has to do the dishes." So he walks inside and sees a mountain of dishes, over three months' worth, because no one has spoken, and the stench is awful.

During dinner, he concocted a plan to get someone to speak, so he started doing all of this crazy shit to try and get someone to speak. Not a peep. Eventually, he grabs his girlfriend, bends her over, and starts going to town. Still nothing. The parents are outraged but not speaking because they don't want to do the dishes. After about a minute of this, he walks away and does the same to her mum and starts going to town. Now the dad is pissed and just staring him down with daggers. At that moment, it starts to rain. He remembers his motorcycle is out in the rain, and he grabs the Vaseline out of his pack pocket, and the dad goes, "FINE! I'LL DO THE DISHES!"

Remember, kids: the school shooter can't get you if YOU are the shooter.

NWA: Straight Outta Compton.

Kobe Bryant: Straight Outta the Helicopter.

Oh my Prince, I've loved you ever since the day we met.

When I was caught in your net of love, sweet love... It's all above...

I want to die to see the other side, but if I die I won't know anybody on the other side.

Hey, join me. I be near the tree. Bring things to.

What's an orphan's favorite football game?? The homecoming.

For all the online haters on me, comment here, be honest.

Why did I cross the road to might get hit by a car or a bus?

If prostitution had a tax-exempt status, and if an adult bookstore had a tax-exempt status because of a glory hole, churches would have to do something else to keep their tax-exempt status to avoid the risk of going out of business.

The Blonde got a Ph.D.?

Yeah, like that would ever happen.

Why do orphans love table tennis? Because that is the only love they're getting.

What's the sound that dwarfs make when they have sex?

Broken plates.